Volume 2 Issue 57

April 22, 2003

The Web Only Special

Swamp bits and pieces while Greg is at a conference, where's Saddam, and tune back in for more later?

As promised, a few bits and pieces today. Check back later to see if there's more!

Newswire: A friend sent me this article about Saddam apparently hanging out in a Baghdad neighborhood -
http://www.postgazette.com/World/2003042020030420nearmisswor ld4p4.asp

Which inspired this...

Not By Ellen Knickmeyer(the name was so good, I had to keep it)

COUCHWOOD, LOUISIANA - Saddam Hussein apparently tried to begin living a quiet new life in this rural town, say locals, who have spotted the former Iraqi dictator pumping gas at the local Citgo station.

This information heightens the possibility that Hussein survived the April 7 attack on his life. And the one on April 6. And April 5. Hell, all the way back to March or whenever the damn war started.

Neighbors said that at first they were not very suspicious of the man who rented a house on Union Avenue, just a block away from the local VFW hall. "During the war, he even had a sign on his lawn that said 'First Iraq, then France'," said Frances Maynard, who reported that Hussein often waived to her in her garden as he left for work in his 1985 Ford Escort. "He always was stopping by to give me great gardening tips. He said that he had a lot of experience growing fruits and vegetables, especially in dry climates, which was a lifesaver with this drought lately," said Maynard.

Sources say that the neighbors began to get suspicious after a relative of a resident stopped at the Citgo station last weekend. Paul Walters of Topeka, Kansas was visiting his brother Walter when he noticed the station attendant hastily ending a call on a satellite telephone as he drove into the station. Said Walters, "At first I thought it was just him on his cell phone, but you're not supposed to use those at gas stations. Then my brother told me that there wasn't cell service in this parish yet, and that's when we got suspicious."

Walters and a few other concerned residents watched the house, and had their suspicions confirmed by the large entourages that visited the house, including at least 3 women introduced in the town as "Mrs. Butcher", the name that Hussein apparently adopted. As suspicions grew, the local sheriff opened the safe deposit box that Hussein had rented at First National Bank, and found it contained $2.3 billion in gold bullion, as well as the entire first season of the HBO show "Sex in the City" on DVD. "That's really what gave it away. I mean, we don't even have DVD players here," said Sheriff Burton Smith, "and anyone who would watch that crap from New York City definitely doesn't fit in around Couchwood."

Barry Milner, who rented the 2 bedroom rancher to Hussein, said that the former leader paid 6 months rent ($180 a month) in cash, and said he had just arrived in the US from Mexico. "He had all the papers and everything," said Milner, "I mean he even was even helping me to learn how to cook Mexican food, which my fiance really likes. He just seemed like a nice guy wanting to get ahead."

Since the discovery, FBI, CIA and military officials have been scouring the town for information. The media have also descended on the little town just 10 miles from Arkansas, including people from the BBC and Weekly World News. But some still aren't convinced. Said Maynard, "I think it's a damn shame that they went and chased him out of town. How often do we get someone immigrating to the US that helps our community grow like that? Saddam Hussein? That's ridiculous. I mean, he's dead, just like Osama Bin Laden. Right? "

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